drink_to_forget (drink_to_forget) wrote,
drink_to_forget
drink_to_forget

its been awhile

so i havent had an actual update in quote some time, so hey why not? i think its appropriate....
things have been so topsy turvy lately that everything has changed in at least some way or another....
relationships change, some strengthen while others weaken, while others just seem to fade....
this feeling of displacement continues in my head....
i cant seem to find anywhere i belong....
at work it seems like i have gone from being an insider, friends with everyone, and loving it all....
to being the kid who goes to work just to get the job done and then fading from memory when its over....
i wanna make a fresh start....make myself completely anew....
i found so many things in my room todaay that reminded me of things past that i miss so much, yet again just feel so displaced from....
the memories comfort em somewhat but alienate me at the same time.....
its always when things seem so nearly perfect that they really begin to fall apart....
i start to feel so comfortable with how things are and then all of a sudden i cant find any comfort at all while im in this skin......
i dont know what to so and im not sure if im ok with that or not...

i guess we will see
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sister! from experience the whole INO being left out thing will go away. it's a phase that everyone goes through. and we all love you! at least those of us who you actually want to be around do. I won't speak for the other crazys! while the past seems so comforting and safe, just keep in mind that you can't live in the past or you'll never find the next magical, safe place. it's out there, sister. and it'll find you before you know it did...and then months from then you'll wish you were back in that safe place. live for the moment, the minute, and the memory and you'll be just fine.
(hopefully I don't sound too much like a "second mom"!) I LOVE YOU! and we're going to the Dodger game!!! YAY!!! <3
so we're basically the exact same person. i'm pretty sure i never get on lj anymore, which sucks bc i definitely should bc then maybe i wouldn't have a million conflicting feelings in my head. (ps lj is being gay and won't show me any of my friends pages, so i can't even respond, i had to go a very roundabout way to find you) but anyways, i 100% understand what you mean when you just feel displaced because i'm in that same place. i also understand wanting to make a fresh start and make yourself anew...again, i'm right there with you. they are all feelings that are ok to have. just don't let it be a scapegoat to leave things behind. i think it's good to become a new version of yourself as long as you don't forget who you are. and make sure you're doing it all for you, not because of what is happening around you. don't feel like you have to start anew because of other people. if you don't do it for yourself and because it's the best thing for you, it's not worth it. i love you just the way you are, so you'll never have to worry about feeling displaced in my life. even if we don't talk for weeks, months, you're always my number one. noone else will ever be on your level. oh & i'll be getting a new number here soon, so i'll call ya with it. plus, i am pretty sure that i'm leaning towards verizon, so we'll be IN...woohooo!!

i love you forever and ever sarah!