so when i get bored at random times and am left with myself as a means of entertainment...mind out of the gutters you...hahaha....i find myself in the midst of my own crazy thoughts
ponder ponder ponder
hope i dont work until tonight......
anyways.....ive put my love life...or lack thereof on holf for a while.....who needs all that drama right?
today robert told me that ive got a lot of secrets and that he doesnt feel like i trust him with them
its not that i dont trust him with them, i trust him probably more than i should,
i think its just that my secrets, the real ones anyways, are those kinds of secrets that arent the fun kind
not even so much embarrassing, they are secrets that have completely changed me in some walk of my life
taken from me something that i will never again be able to get back
because of them i feel less whole.....
ive had a lot of emotional trauma in my years.....and im not whining about it,
but im also not broadcasting it
im sure it will come out eventually, but im scared its going to completely break me down in the process......
i dont want to be where ive been
i live in constant denial of many aspects of my past and although i am not ok with what has happened
ive come to terms with it on some level and found some sort of peace
and now i sound like a whiny little brat so again i digress
so thoughts, yes, thoughts,
kansas has been on my mind.....
and the recurring thought that i have become just a distant memory if that at all to some of the people i find myself thinking of so often
and i really only have myself to blame for that dont i?
damn damn damn
so work....yes work has been wonderful.....the people there have really helped me through a lot of my drama since ive met them, a mere 6 months ago
its seems like so long ago, but really it hasnt been all that long......
i actually anticipate going to work on most days...weird, right?
it feels good to feel like im finally doing something right for once
asshole has made a reappearance in my life....
we started talking again
i still am not sure if this was wise or not, but its just talking
so well see if things have changed at all.....or if hell always be the same
but yeah this was my long overdue adderall-induced post about nothing at all for the sake of my lj