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life sucks when you are me [16 Jan 2008|03:06am]
time to run away again.......
leave everything behind....
no harm, no foul....
everyone just seems to forget
and i fade out of memories
and completely disappear

it's perfect
no longer regret, now we drink to forget

[23 Sep 2007|10:13pm]
it's gone on far too long...i just need to fucking let go
1 take back the night no longer regret, now we drink to forget

[09 Sep 2007|02:26am]
once again i find myself in this situation.....i hate that i miss him
no longer regret, now we drink to forget

what the fuck is wrong with me? [26 Aug 2007|12:48pm]
i think everything has finally come to a head....all the suppressed remembrances and the shit that i've tried to ignore has come back to haunt me....i feel like i'm slipping under and there is no way to escape....ive got a love/hate relationship with my life and i'm really not sure where i stand right now....but it certainly is not on two strong and well-founded feet
no longer regret, now we drink to forget

[21 Aug 2007|11:21am]
fucking A!
no longer regret, now we drink to forget

[15 Jun 2007|02:37am]
last night i finally told my salister i was abused.....i'm still not sure she believes me
1 take back the night no longer regret, now we drink to forget

[09 Jun 2007|04:08am]
a couple of months ago an old friend came back into my life....but now things are different...but good different between us.....

i haven't been this happy in a long time....and it's all because of him
no longer regret, now we drink to forget

[21 Mar 2007|11:29pm]
we might be breaking up..........

and i'm not quite sure how i feel about that
1 take back the night no longer regret, now we drink to forget

once again it's been awhile [29 Dec 2006|11:19am]
so yeah i haven't written in this thing in forever and i'm not even sure that this will be an interesting entry at all....
this year has flown by, especially these last 6 months.....where did the time go?
same job, same school...nothing exciting there
new boyfriend....new friends.....good things there
i've never been so happy in a relationship....but the asshole always seems to know when i've got someone new and finds time to harrass me
why does he insist on making things so complicated?
i still find myself somewhat drawn to him though and it drives me crazy
i still don't know what's going on.....big surprise there....
but yeah that's all for now....short and sweet and not very interesting at all
no longer regret, now we drink to forget

why my back and neck are all f'ed up... [11 Aug 2006|01:02pm]
it sucks getting rear ended....trust me.....look at this kid's car
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
1 take back the night no longer regret, now we drink to forget

it has been quite some time [01 Aug 2006|01:01pm]
so i havent posted anything in a long time and this isnt going to be one of those long detailed...this is what youve missed of my life posts....that will come later im sure, but yeah its justa short little something to let you all know i still exist....

things are great right now, im loving it all.......

rosarito in a couple weeks for my birthday.....should be insane...and i am excited!

the boyfriend is wonderful.....too good for me im sure

too much fun

and thats all for now
no longer regret, now we drink to forget

its been awhile [13 Jun 2006|11:42pm]
so i havent had an actual update in quote some time, so hey why not? i think its appropriate....
things have been so topsy turvy lately that everything has changed in at least some way or another....
relationships change, some strengthen while others weaken, while others just seem to fade....
this feeling of displacement continues in my head....
i cant seem to find anywhere i belong....
at work it seems like i have gone from being an insider, friends with everyone, and loving it all....
to being the kid who goes to work just to get the job done and then fading from memory when its over....
i wanna make a fresh start....make myself completely anew....
i found so many things in my room todaay that reminded me of things past that i miss so much, yet again just feel so displaced from....
the memories comfort em somewhat but alienate me at the same time.....
its always when things seem so nearly perfect that they really begin to fall apart....
i start to feel so comfortable with how things are and then all of a sudden i cant find any comfort at all while im in this skin......
i dont know what to so and im not sure if im ok with that or not...

i guess we will see
2 take back the nights no longer regret, now we drink to forget

i love the brit [07 Jun 2006|02:42am]
more details to come later....but yeah
no longer regret, now we drink to forget

my weekend in a nutshell....stolen from my lil sister [16 May 2006|12:07am]
Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays, hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midstof endless family gatherings.

However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

Phone calls:
While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3 pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out
face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,
Your biggest fan

1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder

1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.


i fucking love new orleans............update to come later
4 take back the nights no longer regret, now we drink to forget

tears in heaven........... [04 Apr 2006|07:46pm]
so i dont know whats been up with the past year but i dont like it at all.....im sick of funerals and the tears and sadness that go along with them....im sick of losing people so important to me in my life.....the people who have given so much to me to make me who i am....im not good at letting go.....sunday morning i lost my third grandparent within a year....and yeah im selfish because i didnt want her to go....shes been sick for a while but it all still seems so unfair....why do we have to lose people we love so much? it fucking kills me and makes me want to scream....i am so goddamn helpless........i feel like just completely shutting down and giving up....or clamming up at least....nobody wants to deal with a crying whiny me......i dont know how to deal with all the thoughts running rampant in my head....i just wanna scream and scream and scream and scream and scream until ive got nothing left to scream and am too exhausted to do anything but sleep until everything finds its way back into its proper place......but thats not life is it? oh well i guess ill figure it all out eventually.....i just wish that i had all my family and friends with me until the end
6 take back the nights no longer regret, now we drink to forget

dont take crazy pills at 2 in the morning [27 Mar 2006|06:44am]
so i love hoe i do ridiculously ludicrous things that will only come back to bit me in the ass like taking adderall at 2 in the morning so that i have to pretend to sleep at 7 in the morning when my parents get up so they dont question my insomniac behaviors....but i do defend myself in saying that i took the pill in order to enable myself to stay awake while editing a paper for her that i forgot to do all day and stupidly put off until after getting home at 2 this morning.....i am a silly silly girl....but i digress.....

so when i get bored at random times and am left with myself as a means of entertainment...mind out of the gutters you...hahaha....i find myself in the midst of my own crazy thoughts
ponder ponder ponder
hope i dont work until tonight......
anyways.....ive put my love life...or lack thereof on holf for a while.....who needs all that drama right?
today robert told me that ive got a lot of secrets and that he doesnt feel like i trust him with them
its not that i dont trust him with them, i trust him probably more than i should,
i think its just that my secrets, the real ones anyways, are those kinds of secrets that arent the fun kind
not even so much embarrassing, they are secrets that have completely changed me in some walk of my life
taken from me something that i will never again be able to get back
because of them i feel less whole.....
ive had a lot of emotional trauma in my years.....and im not whining about it,
but im also not broadcasting it
im sure it will come out eventually, but im scared its going to completely break me down in the process......
i dont want to be where ive been
i live in constant denial of many aspects of my past and although i am not ok with what has happened
ive come to terms with it on some level and found some sort of peace
and now i sound like a whiny little brat so again i digress

so thoughts, yes, thoughts,
kansas has been on my mind.....
and the recurring thought that i have become just a distant memory if that at all to some of the people i find myself thinking of so often
and i really only have myself to blame for that dont i?
damn damn damn

so work....yes work has been wonderful.....the people there have really helped me through a lot of my drama since ive met them, a mere 6 months ago
its seems like so long ago, but really it hasnt been all that long......
i actually anticipate going to work on most days...weird, right?
it feels good to feel like im finally doing something right for once

asshole has made a reappearance in my life....
we started talking again
i still am not sure if this was wise or not, but its just talking
so well see if things have changed at all.....or if hell always be the same

but yeah this was my long overdue adderall-induced post about nothing at all for the sake of my lj
2 take back the nights no longer regret, now we drink to forget

regression [20 Mar 2006|09:18pm]
instead of progressing in my life, it seems as though i am constantly in regression.......
im fighting with my parents again
they see me as a suck up and a worthless piece of shit and i find myself in disagreement.....
im finally trying to make a stand for myself but it seems to be biting me in the ass
i dont know what im supposed to do
all i am looking for is a litle bit of happiness and a little bit of love.....
ive got to stop putting myself in situations that i know will hurt me
or have the potential to anyways....i dont do it intentionally
i need to do a lot of things differently
i need to distance myself from trouble because he is exactly that....trouble
im drawn to him while at the same time not because i know that i cant be
i dont know.....why all the complication? i mean really......porque?
2 take back the nights no longer regret, now we drink to forget

[18 Mar 2006|03:52pm]
life cuks when youre me
2 take back the nights no longer regret, now we drink to forget

this is my life [23 Feb 2006|12:34am]
Ode to Collegiate Alchoholism

College students are truly a rare breed. Week after week we put ourselves through the gauntlet of flip-cup tournaments, keg stands, ice luges, and power hours only to pass out briefly and wake up at obscene hours of the morning to re-fuel our still-intoxicated bodies with a few more beers all in the name of tailgate. We also lack any legitimate sense of time. We "pre-drink" until eleven. 12:40 classes are "early." We know 1:30 a.m. as "last call" because we have been going to the bars since we were 17 with fake I.D.s. There is a day of the week referred to as "Boozeday."

We college kids undoubtedly have a subculture unto ourselves. Some people play basketball, we play beer pong. Some people wait all year for Christmas or Thanksgiving, we wait all year for St. Patty's Day, New Years Eve, and Superbowl Sunday. Some drink orange juice for breakfast, we throw back a Busch Light because we hear its a good cure for that hangover. We can turn anything into a drinking game.

We live in our own world, a world where jungle juice seems like a good idea, being awake at 4 a.m. is normal, "wanna do a body shot" is a sufficient pick-up line, and 21st birthdays are an entity unto themselves. We have become aware that alchohol makes us say, do, and wear things that would, in a sober state, be out of the question. Watching our friend make out with a stranger in front of cheering spectators is raw comedy, kegerators become the greatest invention the world has ever seen, and we "discover" things that seem utterly amazing…like malt liquor...and Beerios...

We nickname beers. If we're at the bar and we ask for a "Beast" or a "Natty," the bartender knows what we're talking about because he's probably in college too. We have drunken alter-egos and we name them. A few shots down the hatch and we suddenly turn into "Rico Suave" the tequila-chugging wonder...We are experts at Kings, never running out of tricky categories or a clever rule. We draw on the faces of passed out friends, we know that empty fifths make great decorations in our apartments (also note: empty kegs can be sweet coffee tables), and we have done a "shotski".

We make friends while we are drunk and we assign them an adjective that will forever precede their name in order to distinguish them from the rest of the "friends" we make while drunk (also because we do not know their last names.) "Sloppy Tom," "Chicago Sarah," and "Creepy Steve" will always be near and dear to our hearts.

We have no money because we spent it all on beer. This, unfortunately, is also why we drink Povov and Crazy Horse, and trust us, that takes heart. It grows on us after awhile...or after we've taken too many shots to remember that what we're drinking tastes like gasoline. The lack of money situation is also why if we see someone sipping a Corona, they are a baller, and we will make friends with them.

After a long night of bonging beers at a house party, bravely resisting the urge to drunk dial (and/or drunk IM) all of our ex-boyfriends, then going shot-for-shot with a frat boy at the bar, we wake up hugging an empty box of wine in our underwear on our best friend's kitchen floor with a million questions running through our pounding heads. We wake up with random incoherent numbers in our cell phones ("Who the hell is 'grEenshirtb4oy'?"), random pictures on our cameras ("Look, here's one of so-and-so humping that Corona guy on the dance floor..."), a mere 73 cents left in our wallets ("I didn't know Hold 'em was a drinking game?"), and a desperate desire to lay in bed for the rest of our lives...it is then that we swear off drinking forever...for real....we really mean it this time....

Yet, after shotgunning a brewski or two and kickin back with a 40, we head to the shower, beer in hand, and get ready to begin our evening once again. It takes balls, simply put. We know how to party. We have honed and perfected our art. We are lushes, bar stars, and boozehounds.

Why do we act this way you ask? Because we can. Because in 4 short, blurry years we will have to enter the "real world". So for the time being we will live it up…As long as there are beers to be drank and shots to be taken, we will be there...as long as there are case races to be won and frat houses to pass out in, we will be there...as long as there are tables to be danced on and annoying eighties songs to sing loudly along to, WE WILL BE THERE!...but we're not gonna lie, we probably won't remember it.

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3 take back the nights no longer regret, now we drink to forget

this love [14 Feb 2006|08:28am]

and cece kilat i love you so much!

i love my baby

i have the greatest family ever

me and lauren

me an lauren again

yeah just thought id share some love

love you!
no longer regret, now we drink to forget

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